The Two-Bear Mambo Read online

  “You might start my pickup now and then, let it run awhile,” I said. “This cold weather, it doesn’t get run a bit, it’ll freeze up. I like to circulate the antifreeze. If you’d rather just drain the radiator, go ahead. Key is on the kitchen table. Merry Christmas, guys.”

  Leonard got his suitcase and we went out to his car.

  As Leonard was backing out of the driveway, I said, “That was goddamn surreal.”

  “Yep,” Leonard said. “Leon and Clinton, they’re André Breton kind of guys. They’re proof positive you ought not let people shoot a few baskets with your head. Let’s you and me go to Burger King and have breakfast. I feel expansive.”

  “Who the fuck are those guys anyway?”

  “They tried to beat me up. I whupped those motherfuckers like I was dustin’ a rug.”

  “Both of them!”

  “Not at the same time. On different days. They got word I was queer, so they jumped Raul at the Community Store. Didn’t really hurt him, but roughed him up. Broke his Dr Pepper bottle. Scrambled a couple of his moon pies. Just took them in their hands and twisted them up inside the plastic wrappers. Really made them hard to eat. I went down to the store after it happened and found one of them—one with the left eye looks like it’s got a disease, Leon, and kicked his ass so bad they had to carry him off. Kicked that muscle in the back of his leg so hard it paralyzed it for a while.”

  “Old Thai boxing trick,” I said.

  “Yep. Later that day, his brother came over to the house with a baseball bat, started beating on the door. I went out the back way and cracked him over the head with the barrel of my shotgun. Knocked him on his black ass.”

  “Of course, you didn’t hurt him while he was down.”

  “That wouldn’t be right. I just kicked him a little. Until both his eyes closed. They got so they like me now. They want I should teach them some self-defense.”

  “Jesus,” I said.

  Couple hours later we were out at my house in the country. I didn’t light the heaters, but I made sure the water in the faucets was still dripping, then I threw some clothes together. Leonard had brought his pipe and tobacco with him, and while I packed he filled the pipe and lit it.

  “Bring a gun,” he said.

  “I don’t like guns,” I said. “Bringing one causes trouble. Guns lead to guns.”

  “And if the other guy brings one and you don’t, it causes you trouble. It leads to you being dead.”

  “It’s all right with you, I’ll pass. I thought we were just going to find Florida. I didn’t think we were planning a shootout at the O.K. Corral.”

  “You’re a little short on reality sometimes, Hap.”

  “I guess you’re right. I suppose you brought a gun?”

  “Shotgun. Broke it down, wrapped it in plastic. Got a couple revolvers and a couple of Winchester thirty-thirtys, not dismantled. Ammunition. It’s all in the trunk.”

  “How about the gyro copter?”

  “Trunk.”

  6

  On the way to Grovetown, Leonard put a Hank Williams cassette in the player and we listened to that. I never got to play what I liked. I wanted to bring some cassettes of my own, but Leonard said it was his car, so we’d listen to his music. He didn’t care much for what I liked. Sixties rock and roll.

  Even Hank Williams couldn’t spoil the beauty of the day, however, and the truth of the matter was, I was really starting to like his music, though I wasn’t willing to let Leonard know.

  It was cold as an Eskimo’s ass in an igloo outhouse, but it was clear and bright and the East Texas woods were dark and soothing. The pines, cold or not, held their green, except for the occasional streaks of rust-colored needles, and the oaks, though leafless, were thick and intertwining, like the bones of some unknown species stacked into an elaborate art arrangement.

  We passed a gap in the woods where the pulp wooders had been. It looked like a war zone. The trees were gone for a patch of twenty to thirty acres, and there were deep ruts in the red clay, made by truck tires. Mounds of stumps and limbs had been piled up and burned, leaving ash and lumps, and in some cases huge chunks of wood that had not burned up, but had only been kissed black by fire.

  One huge oak tree stump, old enough to have dated to the beginning of the century, had taken on the shape of a knotty skull, as if it were all that was left of some prehistoric animal struck by lightning. Clear cutting, gasoline, and kitchen matches had laid the dinosaurs low. Driven by greed and the need for a satellite dish, pulp wooders had turned beauty to shit, wood to paper, which in turn served to make the bills of money that paid the pulpers who slew the gods in the first place. There was sad irony in all that. Somewhere. May saplings sprout from their graves.

  Just past mid-day Hank was singing, for about the fifteenth time, “Why don’t you love me like you used to do,” when we reached the outskirts of Grovetown. Here the trees were thick and dark and somber. Low rain clouds had formed, turning the bright cold day gray and sad as a widow’s thoughts. The charcoal-colored clouds hung over the vast forest on either side of the narrow, cracked highway as if they were puffy cotton hats, leaving only a few rays of sunlight to penetrate them like polished hat pins.

  I watched the woods speed by, and thought about what was out there. We were on the edge of the Big Thicket. One of the great forests of the United States, and everything opposite of what the TV and movie viewer thinks Texas is about. The pulp wooders and the lumber companies had certainly raped a lot of it, like most of East Texas, but here there was still plenty of it left. For now.

  Out there, in the Thicket, there were swampy stretches, creeks and timber so compact a squirrel couldn’t run through it without aid of a machete. The bottoms were brutal. Freezing black slush in the winter, steamy and mosquito-swarmed in the summer, full of fat, poisonous water moccasins, about the most unpleasant snakes in creation.

  When I was a child, an uncle of mine, Benny, a man wise to the ways of the woods, had gotten lost in the Thicket for four days. He lived off puddled water and edible roots. He had been one of those contradictory fellas who loved the woods and wildlife, and yet shot everything that wasn’t already stuffed, and if the light were to have glinted off the eye of a taxidermied critter, he might have shot that too. He was such a voracious hunter my dad used him as an example of how I ought not be. It was my father’s contention, and it’s certainly mine, that hunting is not a sport. If the animals could shoot back, then it would be a sport. It is justifiable only for food, and for no other reason. After that, it’s just killing for the sake of putting a lid on what still simmers deep in our primitive hearts.

  But my Uncle Benny, a big, laughing man who I liked very much, was out late one summer night hunting coons for their pelts. He followed the sounds of his dogs deep into the Thicket, then the sounds went away, and he found that the foliage overhead was so thick he could see neither moon nor stars.

  Benny wore a kind of headlamp when he hunted. I don’t remember what the stuff was called, carbide, I think, but there were these pellets you put in the headlamp and lit, and they made a little stinky flame that danced out from the headband and made a light. Lots of hunters used them back then.

  This headlamp went out and Benny dropped his flashlight while trying to turn it on, and couldn’t find it. He spent hours crawling along the ground, but he couldn’t locate the flashlight, and he couldn’t relight the lamp because he’d gotten his matches wet by stepping waist deep into a hole full of stagnant water.

  He finally fell asleep resting against the base of a tree, and was awakened in the night by something huge crashing through the brush. Benny climbed the tree by feel, damn near putting out his eye on a thorn that was part of a wrist-thick crawling vine that was trying to choke the tree out.

  In the morning, after a night of squatting on a limb, he came down and found bear tracks. This was before the black bear had been nearly exterminated from the Thicket. In fact, there were still plenty of them in those days, and wild hogs
too.

  The tracks circled the tree and there were scratch marks where the bear had risen up on its hind legs, perhaps hoping to bring down a treat from overhead. The bear had missed reaching Uncle Benny by less than a foot.

  Benny found his flashlight, but it was useless. He had stepped on it in the night, busting out the bulb. Even though it was morning, he found there was no way to truly see the sun because the limbs tangled together overhead and the leaves and pine needles spread out like camouflaging, tinting the daylight brown and green.

  All day, as he trekked blindly about, the mosquitoes rose up and over him in black kamikaze squadrons so compact they looked as if they were sheets of close-weave netting. They feasted so often on the thorn scratch over his eye, that eye eventually closed. His lips swelled up thick and tight and his face ballooned. Everywhere he went he wore those mosquitoes like a coat of chain mail.

  As the day slogged on, he discovered he had also gotten into poison ivy, and it was spreading over his body, popping up pustules on his feet and hands and face, and the more he scratched, the more it spread, until even his nuts were covered in the stuff. He used to say: “Poison ivy bumps were so thick, it pushed the hair out of my balls.”

  He told me he hurt so bad, was so lost, so scared, so hungry and thirsty, he actually considered putting the rifle in his mouth and ending it all. Later, that wasn’t an option. Crossing through a low-lying area, he discovered what appeared to be a thick covering of leaves was nothing more than slushy swamp, and in the process of grabbing on to the exposed roots of a great willow tree to save himself from drowning, he lost his rifle in the muck.

  Eventually he found his way out, but not by true woodcraft. By accident. Or in his words, “By miracle.” Benny came upon a gaunt steer, a Hereford/Long Horn mix. It was staggering and its great head hung almost to the ground. It was covered in crusted mud from its hoofs to its massive horns. It had obviously been mired up somewhere, perhaps trying to escape the mosquitoes.

  Uncle Benny watched it, and finally it began to move, slow but steady, and he followed the thorn-torn steer through the thicket, sometimes clinging to its mud- and shit-coated tail. He clung and followed until it arrived at the pasture it had escaped from, through a gap in the barbed wire. Uncle Benny said when that steer finally broke through the briars and limbs and the light came through the trees and showed him the bright green of the pasture, it was like the door to heaven had been opened.

  When the steer reached the emerald pasture, it bellowed joyfully, staggered, fell, and never rose. Its back legs and hindquarters were swollen up as if they were made of soaked sponge, and there were wounds that gurgled pus the color of primeval sin and thick as shaving foam.

  Uncle Benny figured the steer had gotten into a whole nest of moccasins, or timber rattlers, and they’d struck it repeatedly. Steer might have been out there in the Thicket for a week. The fact that it had survived as long as it had was evidence of the heartiness of the Long Horn strain that ran through it. It died where it fell.

  From there Benny made his way to the highway and found his car. His hunting dogs never showed up. He went there for a week and called their names where they had gone in with him, and he drove the back roads searching, but never a sign. To the best of my knowledge, though he continued to hunt from time to time, Benny never went into the deep woods again, and the infected eye gave him trouble all his life, until at the age of sixty-five he had to have it removed and replaced with a cheap glass one.

  You don’t fuck with the Big Thicket.

  Grovetown wasn’t much. A few streets, some of them brick, and down on the square an ancient courthouse and jail, a filling station/grocery store, and the Grovetown Cafe, and a lot of antique and thrift shops. There were benches out front of most of the buildings, and you had to figure if it wasn’t Christmas Day and most of those places weren’t closed there’d be old men sitting there, bundled up, talking, smoking, and almost managing to spit Red Man off the curb.

  The filling station/grocery was one of the few places open, and as we drove past, a tall, thirtyish, handsome, pale-faced guy in a gray shirt, heavy coat, and gimme cap stood out by one of the pumps with a water hose, washing down oil and grease in the center of one of the drives. He stared at us as we drove by, looking like a guy who might wash your windshield, check your tires and oil without having to be asked, just like in the old days. Then, on the other hand, looks could be deceiving. Guy like that might piss on your windshield and let the air out of your tires as soon as look at you.

  Christ, I was beginning to think like Leonard. Everyone was a scumbag until proven otherwise.

  We passed a washateria with a sign painted on the glass. It was faded, but it was defiantly readable. NO COLORED.

  Leonard said, “Man, I ain’t seen nothing like that since nineteen seventy. Jefferson, Texas, I think it was.”

  We decided we ought to get a room, least for the night until we could get the lay of the land. There were no motels in Grovetown, but there was one old hotel and a boarding house. We checked both for lodging, but they didn’t have rooms for us. They claimed to be closed for Christmas. I found this hard to believe. Hotels and boarding houses don’t close for holidays, and as for not having rooms, the Hotel Grovetown was so goddamn vacant of life you could almost hear rats farting behind the wainscoting.

  At the boarding house, called the Grovetown Inn, there weren’t more than three cars in the parking lot, but when we came in together, asked for a room, the proprietors looked at us like we were animated shit piles asking to lie down free on clean white sheets.

  Outside the Grovetown Inn, Leonard filled his pipe, said, “No room at the inn, brother. Think it’s that shirt you’re wearin’ they don’t like? Personally, I’ve always felt blue makes you look a little scary.”

  We drove around awhile. Leonard said, “Have you noted there’s no black section of town around here?”

  “Yep. I have.”

  “They haven’t even given us black folk a place out next to the city dump, like usual. Or maybe by a sewage plant or a nuclear reactor. I ain’t even seen a black person walking around.”

  “Maybe it’s because of the holidays. I haven’t seen that many whites walking around. And guess what else? There aren’t any more places to stay. We’ve seen it all.”

  “I’m hungry. Cafe’s open. Let’s get something to eat, then figure on what to do next.”

  “They’ll be glad to see us there, Leonard. Why don’t I keep things simple for now, get us a couple of sandwiches to go?”

  “Hey, I’ll tell you now, I’m not going to anyone’s back door or stand in a separate line just because I got a better tan than someone else. Get that straight in your head, Hap.”

  “I’m just wanting things easy. What worries me about you, is I think you like confrontation too much.”

  “And what worries me about you, Hap, is you don’t.”

  I pulled over in front of the cafe, started to get out. Leonard put a hand on my arm. “You’re right. I’m acting like an asshole.”

  “No argument.”

  “We’re here to find Florida, not have me prove what a badass I am.”

  “Still, no argument.”

  “Get us something. We’ll eat in the car. I’ll give a civil rights speech later. Provided I can get someone to accompany me on guitar.”

  “I’ll just be a minute.”

  The Grovetown Cafe was not a place you would mistake for a French restaurant. It was overly warm and the walls were decorated with badly painted ceramic birds and squirrels, and there was some of that really bad hillbilly music you hear from time to time but can’t quite believe it. It’s not even AM radio pop. It only plays in ancient towns with jukeboxes that have glass cases coated gray by oily hands. It’s like generic heavy metal and rap. Who listens to this stuff on purpose? It sounds like some kind of joke. The sharp little notes clung to the air and stuck to my head like prickly pear thorns. They went well with the stench of old grease from the kitchen. />
  I waded through grease and music and found a stool and sat down and waited. From a back booth a couple of guys stared at me. They were in their thirties, healthy-looking, but they had the attitude of men with “back problems” on workdays. It’s a mysterious ailment that seems to descend on a large percentage of the redneck population. I couldn’t help but think they were drawing a check from somewhere. Some kind of compensation. Maybe they were watching me nervously because they thought I was an insurance man that had caught them without their back braces.

  I figured, at night, after a hard day of smoking cigarettes, swigging coffee, and cussin’ the niggers and liberals, they’d buy a couple of six-packs, go home and pass out in front of the TV set after beating the wife and kids, a half-eaten bag of generic-brand potato chips clutched to their chests.

  Then again, here I was judging people I didn’t even know. I was starting to be just like the people I despised. They were probably a couple of nuclear physicists on vacation, stopping in here to soak up the homey atmosphere.

  I had to quit judging. Quit being unfair. And I had to face what I was really worked up about. Knowing I’d probably see Florida and have all the old feelings again. And it was cold, and I didn’t like it. And I had fewer future prospects than the smallpox virus. In final analysis, I had a hard-on for the world and no place to put it.

  I noticed one of the physicists had turned in the booth and the other was leaning out on his side, looking not just at me, but past me. I looked where they were looking, and I could see through the plate glass window, between the fly specks, Leonard’s car. He was visible behind the wheel, his head back on the seat dozing.

  I began to have those prejudgment thoughts again.

  I took a deep breath and let it slide. I tried to remember and paraphrase a comforting Bible verse. “Judge not others, lest ye be judged.” Something like that. I also remembered a verse my daddy told me. “You end up havin’ to hit some sonofabitch, don’t just hit him once, and don’t just hit to get his attention.”